I will be going to my daughter’s softball tournament this morning. Depending on wins and losses, she may still be playing at the same time another daughter will be having her dance recital. Of course, both daughters want me present at their event. Huh knows I will have to leave her at the ball tournament to attend Hoob’s recital if her team keeps winning. She understands. Their father (the ex) can’t, won’t, doesn’t attend these things. How do I split myself between these events? This weekend is okay. Like I said, Huh understands that I won’t be able to stay for the entire tournament if her team keeps winning. But, there are other tournaments this summer (Huh and I will be in Colorado for a tournament next weekend). How do I make myself available for all of the kids? How do I get over the guilt I feel whenever I attend a ball tournament and leave the other kids at home? When they were younger I brought all of the kids with me. Now that they are older and are involved with their own activities they have no interest in attending ball tournaments that last all…day…long.
I mentioned my guilt to Huh last night as we were driving home from the ball tournament at 11:00 p.m. She jokingly said, “You need to be with me cuz I’m the oldest and have the least amount of time left to be at home.” Sigh. How do I do it all? I sometimes refer to my other kids as orphans on these weekends we have tournaments because they don’t have Mom around. Hub is there with them, of course. But they don’t have Mom. My eight year old is the one I worry about the most. When he’s older and looks back on his childhood is he going to think Mom was never home on the weekends?
All of the other kids except Huh will be attending the dance recital since it is a twice-a-year event and I believe that all family members that can should show support. I also require each of Huh’s siblings to attend at least one ball game during the season. It gets really crazy When Shroom starts football and Yawlin starts soccer. How, how, how do I do it all?
This is a rambling, random post, I know. But, I would appreciate any advice anyone could give. And thanks.
Kweenmama's Kastle 
June 7, 2008 at 4:10 pm
It’s to bad you have to go through this. I have no magic words of wisdom but I’ll give you my 2 cents. IF your daughter has a lot of softball that you go to and the other kids don’t have as many activities, maybe some of hers will have to be missed. It’s not really fair to go to all of hers if she has a lot of them and the others only have a few things. Her being the oldest doesn’t hold a lot of water because if that were the case, you should be there for the younger ones since you’ve already been to tons of her stuff.
I know how hard it is and it’s really to bad that your ex, the dad!!! HELLO!!!!! Doesn’t attend any. That’s sad for all involved.
You will just have to do what you think best. What you feel is right.
June 7, 2008 at 9:29 pm
That is hard. Could you send one older kids to which ever one you can’t attend and have them record it for you? Then you could watch it with you kid when you both had time, and talk while you were doing it. Not as good as actually being there, but at least it would be a way to show your kids that you do care about their stuff, even if you can’t be there while it is going on.
June 9, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I like the recording idea. Or what about having other relatives attend such as an aunt or uncle? You are only one person so you should not feel guilty. In the future, maybe you could have your kids pick a certain number of games that they would like you to attend.
June 10, 2008 at 12:54 am
I was going to suggest other relatives, or friends as Morocco did. So what did you end up doing?
Really, all you can do love them and do your best. Your kids will understand.
June 10, 2008 at 1:46 am
The weekend worked out fine. The coach had arranged for a pick-up player to be present, so my daughter felt comfortable asking to be excused half-way through their final game to attend her sister’s recital. The coach had no problem with her leaving so we did. (The team ended up losing in extra innings. Bummer)
Everyone in our family, plus two grandparents, an aunt, and some cousins saw the recital.
Next weekend it will be me, my daughter, and my sister together in Colorado for the tournament. I don’t feel guilty about the other kids because it is their father’s weekend to have them. They wouldn’t have been with me anyway.
June 11, 2008 at 5:31 am
I’m so glad it worked out for you and the kids. When I was a single mom I only had one child, so I didn’t have to share my time with kids, but I did have a demanding job that required traveling. I spent lots of time feeling guilty about that. I think as mother’s, no matter how good we are we’re always going to doubt that it was or is enough. Maybe that’s a human thing too.
June 14, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I had 4 boys playing baseball on 4 different teams at once. Sometimes in different cities. Ex never watched a single game from the time they did t-ball till the time the oldest left high school. I remember those days.
Personally, I juggled. I spent many a Saturday going to the ball fields at 7 am and not getting home till 10 or 11 at night running from one game and one city to the next. I tried not to miss the same child play 2 weeks in a row. If I had to miss #4 one week, then I made sure to watch him the next. My boys were very understanding and supportive of each other. Now that I’m down to just 1 playing (the youngest)- the older siblings are driving or in some cases moved out and self-supporting- but they will STILL come to support younger brother. And like you, we’re into select ball and tournaments every….dang….weekend at this time of year.
I just explained to the kids that I was only one person and I would do my best to be there for them but since I was only 1 and they were 4 – sometimes they’d have to share. We all survived and they swear they understood.